After graduating from an intense year of studying all fresh-faced and keen to start my new career as a yoga teacher… I celebrate by having a baby! Hooray and at the same time - Sod's law!
All joking aside, we are so excited to announce the news. We love how much richness and joy our little boy, Master N, brings to our lives. I count myself so honoured and privileged we have received the chance to do it all again. So I am now 21 weeks along, feeling great, still practising vinyasa flow yoga (with a lot of modifications) and teaching 2 classes per week.
It was planned and something we really wanted. We were obviously over the moon when we found out. In all the excitement and anticipation, I didn’t really think about the impact that this might have on my teaching journey. It is a challenge enough to get a break out there as a yoga teacher when you are freshly graduated, let alone when you also happen to be pregnant as well.
To be honest, when the limitations (yet only temporary) on my Yoga teaching career first came to fruition, I felt quite conflicted. Maybe it was all the extra hormones making me feel things that were so out of character for me, who knows? On one hand, I was so ecstatically excited and very grateful to be given the chance to bring another being into this world. But when I thought about Yoga, there was a small part of me that couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened. My teaching path was on a slight tangent for a little while.
It took me a good week or so to really make sense of these conflicted feelings and also move past the guilt for feeling them in the first place. I found guided meditations on acceptance helped things along here. I realised that with the desire, ambitious and determined parts of my personality, this naturally attracts some forms of disappointment and dissatisfaction. As morbid as it sounds, it is not. It is a natural reality of any situation. You can’t have one without the other. Much the same as having your cake and eating it! Buddha explains:
“We experience everything in terms of the Eight Worldly Concerns: gain and loss, praise and blame, pleasure and pain, happiness and unhappiness. We, of course, want gain, praise, pleasure, and happiness. But one always arrives with its opposite. One cannot be open to praise and not receive blame. One cannot experience pleasure and not feel pain. This is the nature of the reality that we know.”
As soon as I realised and accepted this I could make sense of the situation a lot more and move past it. Now I can concentrate on being wholeheartedly excited and the positives this brings to my yoga journey which I will explore in my next post - "Some exciting news! Part Two: Acceptance, Elation and Change"